BEANS
Once there lived a women who had a maddening passion for baked beans, she loved them, but
unfortunately, they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her.
Then one day she
met a man and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry. She thought to herself, "He is such a sweet,
gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on."
She made the
supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later her car broke down on her way home from work. Since she lived in the
country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home.
On her way she
passed a small diner and the odor of the baked bens was more than she could stand.
Since she still
has miles to walk, she figured she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home.
So, she stopped at
the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans.
All the way
home she put-putted, and upon arriving home she felt responsibly sure she could control it.
Her husband seened
excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
He then blindfolded
her and led her to a chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfoldfrom his wife,
the phone rang.
He made her promise
not to touch the blindfold until her returned. he then went to answer the telephone.
The baked beansshe
had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the
room she seized the opprtunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go.
It was not only
loud, but it smelled like a fertillizer truckrunning ouver a skunk infront of a pulpwood mill.
She took her napkin
and fanned the air around her vigorously.
Then she shifted
to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage.
Keeping her ear
turned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for ten more minutes.
When the telephone
farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded
her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself.
She was the picture
of innocence when her husband returned, apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that
she did not.
At this point,
he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised.
There were 12 dinner
guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy Birthday!"
